Post by shorty on Jan 26, 2015 20:33:22 GMT
Introducing the 2008-2009 Individual Player Awards
* These are based on quantity
* Only a team with a 1st place winner gets the Cash
I thought I'd turn this into an article, so please tip me some votes.
NBADSL: Scoring Title +$50 - Aye
Winner: Dan Issel (2400pt)
Runner-up: Earl Monroe (2154)
Runner-Runner-Up: MJ (2153)
Move over Jabari, this year's winner is the White Wonder Dan Issel. He's so white, he got banned from playing SF. After VJ King spent an entire summer not giving a fuck, he was traded away and Issel took the reins of the Atlanta offense. He beat out some of the best athletes and scorers in the game to take home the Scoring Title.
Lysol: Rebounding Title $50 - Cleaning the Glass since 1950
Winner: DeAndre Ayton (1098 rebs)
Runner-Up: Wilt Chamberlain (1097)
It's a good thing for DeAndre Ayton that Wilt succeeds on the court, but not in school. Wilt wanted the rebounding title for himself, but his dumbass can't add and so he came up with 1 rebound short in his last game. And so Ayton takes home the Rebounding Title and a year's supply of Lysol. The Celtics have had some down years recently, but Ayton has been a lifer, and the fans love him for his dedication and perseverance. They are excited for what the team could accomplish in the playoffs.
It's a good thing for DeAndre Ayton that Wilt succeeds on the court, but not in school. Wilt wanted the rebounding title for himself, but his dumbass can't add and so he came up with 1 rebound short in his last game. And so Ayton takes home the Rebounding Title and a year's supply of Lysol. The Celtics have had some down years recently, but Ayton has been a lifer, and the fans love him for his dedication and perseverance. They are excited for what the team could accomplish in the playoffs.
State Farm: Assists Title $50 - A little assist goes a long way
Winner: Bob Cousy (806 ast)
Runner-Up: Emmanuel Mudiay (789ast)
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They say Cousy is so generous, he gave away all his money and couldn't afford to send a picture to us for this ceremony. State Farm has been sponsoring this award since Chris Paul and Cliff Paul, and they have also been a long-time sponsor for FBB's MVP award. Errr, did I just say that? Cousy has always been broken in this league, and his 2nd straight MVP is a sign of things to come. For a man who is #1 in Assists, he ranks #39 in TOs this season. That's just incredible.
They say Cousy is so generous, he gave away all his money and couldn't afford to send a picture to us for this ceremony. State Farm has been sponsoring this award since Chris Paul and Cliff Paul, and they have also been a long-time sponsor for FBB's MVP award. Errr, did I just say that? Cousy has always been broken in this league, and his 2nd straight MVP is a sign of things to come. For a man who is #1 in Assists, he ranks #39 in TOs this season. That's just incredible.
NYPD: Golden Glove Award - $25 - You're looking at 3 years + 300hr of community service
Winner: Michael Jordan (208 steals)
Runner-Up: Gar Heard (205 Steals)
It's no surprise to see the ultra-competitive MJ lead the league in steals. His mom quoted, "When he was 5, I asked him if he wanted a toy from the store. Michael said, 'Bitch, I want the whole store.' He's always wanted everything, and he's not afraid to get what he thinks is his." His athleticism, competitive fire, and knowledge of the game means whoever plays SG against the Suns is end up looking like a little bitch, on both ends of the floor.
Trojan Max: Block Party Award - $25 - Giving you protection in all sizes
Winner: Thon Maker (299 blocks)
Runner-Up: Kareem Adbul-Jabbar 294 blocks)
Ironically, the winner of Trojan's Block Party Award is Thon "Baby" Maker. This is a big boy, and he has terrorized the paint for years as a Sacramento King. What a great "fit."
Loose Handles Award - No cash, no Sponsor
Winner: Bob Wiesenhahn (328 TOs)
Runner-Up: Seventh Woods (277 TOs)
A dismal award for the starting PG on one of the league's dismal teams. The tanking Sixers has some bright spots on their team, but suffice to say, Bob's 0.775 Assist to Turnover ratio is not one of them. More like a black hole in the form of a another white dude. The team gave the reins to Bob and said, "don't make us look too good," and that's how we have our winner.
A dismal award for the starting PG on one of the league's dismal teams. The tanking Sixers has some bright spots on their team, but suffice to say, Bob's 0.775 Assist to Turnover ratio is not one of them. More like a black hole in the form of a another white dude. The team gave the reins to Bob and said, "don't make us look too good," and that's how we have our winner.
NYPD Foul Play Award - A fouls means you got caught, no reward for you
Winner: Robert Parish (305 fouls)
Winner: Robert Parish (305 fouls)
Runner-Up: Theo Vassallo (298 fouls)
The Hawks had a hard time giving away Parish for basically nothing. Parish had a career year last season, and for the most part he's been a good player this season, but yikes that's a lot of fouls.
The Hawks had a hard time giving away Parish for basically nothing. Parish had a career year last season, and for the most part he's been a good player this season, but yikes that's a lot of fouls.
Chuckers UnAnonymous Award - It's okay to Chuck
Winner: Reggie Miller (213 3PM)
Runner-Up: Seventh Woods (206 3PM)
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Reggie Miller is one of the best shooters in league history, so it's no surprise to see him winning this award. What's impressive is that Miller finished #1 in 3pm, but was #7 in 3PA with 435. The face of the Chuckers UnAnonymous is actually Peter Maravich who led the league with 487 3pt attempt, but the League wanted to make this award be about making shots, not just attempting them, so Reggie Miller takes home the cake.
Runner-Up: Seventh Woods (206 3PM)
Reggie Miller is one of the best shooters in league history, so it's no surprise to see him winning this award. What's impressive is that Miller finished #1 in 3pm, but was #7 in 3PA with 435. The face of the Chuckers UnAnonymous is actually Peter Maravich who led the league with 487 3pt attempt, but the League wanted to make this award be about making shots, not just attempting them, so Reggie Miller takes home the cake.
Vegas: That's a Foul Ref! Award
Winner: Dan Issel (820 FTA)
Runner-Up: Diamond Stone (803 FTA)
With the help of the refs, Issel led the league in scoring this season. It is of no surprise that most of the contender of this award are some of the most well-compensated players in the league today. The average salary of the top 13 guys is something like $18-19 million annually, and it's not until we get to Dominique at #14, that we have this poor rookie who is throwing his body into the paint again and again and not getting as many calls as his team likes. But I'm sure this is all conspiracy anyway. Money should have no outcome on the way refs officiate the game. We are all in it for the love of the game after all.
Winner: Dan Issel (820 FTA)
Runner-Up: Diamond Stone (803 FTA)
With the help of the refs, Issel led the league in scoring this season. It is of no surprise that most of the contender of this award are some of the most well-compensated players in the league today. The average salary of the top 13 guys is something like $18-19 million annually, and it's not until we get to Dominique at #14, that we have this poor rookie who is throwing his body into the paint again and again and not getting as many calls as his team likes. But I'm sure this is all conspiracy anyway. Money should have no outcome on the way refs officiate the game. We are all in it for the love of the game after all.
