Hawks are flying by

[somerandomguy]

New GM Rob Ford makes his name known quickly in the NBA after numerous trades to rebuild the Hawks.

Atlanta Georgia 2011------ It's not often you hear about a Toronto mayor quitting his job so soon into his term to become a GM of an NBA team in America (ya, didn't even want the Raptors, how do you feel about that Raptor fans?) But Rob Ford did it and he's already made a few splashes in the NBA. Rumors say that he made the move because he didn't want to be discovered with crack while in office. It's too bad though that after he resigned, his former employee's found crack all over his office. When asked about it, Rob Ford insisted that all of that crack was planted in his office and he never remembers doing crack while being mayor, key word there is remembers. But that's all Canadian gossip and Americans don't care about anyone else's gossip but their own, nor do Americans care about stars that come out of Canada (ok, maybe he isn't a star yet, but maybe sometime in the future?) The reason you are probably reading this article is because you love the Atlanta Hawks and want to eat up all the sugarcoating we have to offer. The bad news about that is, we don't have much sugar left so we'll have to do with what we have.

Rob Ford took over the Atlanta Hawks last season when the Hawks were 28-39, why he took over a team midseason when there was absolutely nothing to do? Who knows, he strikes many people as a wild and crazy guy that does things that don't make sense yet can be funny if camera's aren't on him. He's kinda shy around camera's which leaves people wondering why he decided to be mayor of the 3rd largest city in North America and then becomes a GM of the Atlanta Hawks. Anyways back to the Hawks, Rob Ford insisted that he wanted every single player off the roster, it wasn't because they were a bad team. He just wanted to have a bunch of guys he can hang out with that make way more money then him so they can buy him more cra....... I mean buy him nice dinners and cars. Now come on, who wouldn't want that? And yes, I realize I keep talking about Rob Ford when I'm suppose to be talking about the Hawks, so I will try to get back to talking about the Hawks.

Rob Ford after a few months of meditation (let's call it meditation) decided lighting up a bunch of phones, not GM's phones, just the room service phone line at the hotel he's staying at, begging the hotel to give him some crack.........ers. After his attempts failed repeatedly to get some cheese its (no idea if it's suppose to be spelled cheeze it like the crackers or cheese its, like...... something else?) Rob Ford decided to go to his office for the first time on August 1st when he was supposed to start working in March. Why the owner gave him the time off, again who knows? Many speculate that Rod Ford the owner also does a lot of crack, but what do they know, not like anyone has seen Rod Ford do crack. Oh ya, the Hawks, anyways once Rob Ford started working he started picking up the phones on August 29th. What he was doing dur.......... you know what **** it, he's just insane and does whatever the **** he wants and everyone should be okay with that.

I'm sorry, I lost my temper there a little, let's keeping talking about the Atlanta Fords....... I mean the Rob Hawks......... I mean the Atlanta Hawks. Rob Ford then started listening to GM's talk about trade offers, and liked listening to some of the names he thought sounded funny. Goran Dragic, Rodney Stuckey, Omer Asik, Gordon Hayward he especially loved the name Luther Head and everytime he heard an offer he would say "**** yes, I love those names". A majority of GM's thought that was him saying he accepted the offer and Rob Ford hasn't protested any of the deals that got approved and leaked to the media. It was later released that he was in a drunken stupor, so what is a drunken stupor? You guessed it, I have no idea because I did very little research while making this article. I think it's when someone is so drunk that they say really stupid things while at the same time they can't walk. This is most common in white douchebags.

You know what, let's just devote this entire article to Rob Ford since that's what I have been talking about this entire time. The Atlanta Hawks now have a team that can score a ton of points, but their defense is just awful, I mean I think 12 chicken's can guard a basketball better then anyone on this team. It's just an awful, awful team that really has no hope of doing anything great this season or seasons to come. I mean, this team looks like it was thrown together by some guy on crack. Seriously, who is the GM of this team and is he on crack?

Breaking News: Rob Ford was found today having a very high amount of crack in his office in Atlanta. A security guard found the crack after breaking up a gun duel? between O.J. Mayo and Vernon Macklin or so he claims, he didn't seem well when reporters were talking to him. Rob Ford was later found in a Philips Arena bathroom passed out. Thankfully a different security guard found him before any kids saw him during a Hawks home meeting with the 76ers later that night, because his pants were pretty far down. When he noticed the cops found him after waking up he later shouted "aw **** I was in another drunken stupor wasn't I?" followed by "I swear, I didn't do any crack last night or any other time in my life". A few hours later he resigned, now you may be wondering what's next for Rob Ford? He told reporters "I'm going to go find Osama Bong Laden". Apparently he doesn't know that Osama Bin Laden has already been found and killed. But he might not know anything that's happened between March of 2011 and August of 2011.

More Breaking News: Rod Ford was caught talking to his girlfriend about very offensive things via recording. He told his 18 year old girl friend (the guy is 70 years old by the way, what a sick bastard) to give him some crack among other things. "Give me some mother ****en crack you *****" "If you give me some crack, I promise I won't bring it to my games, but if you don't give me some crack then your not coming to my games you *****" "You can sleep with crack you can eat with crack you can **** crack all you want I don't care, all I ask is that you give me some of your ****en crack" "Do not be in pictures with Dominque Wilkens with crack, I don't want anyone else knowing that you have crack other then me". The NBA's commissioner David Stern didn't really care and wanted Rod Ford to keep the Hawks, but deputy commissioner Adam Silver really wanted to lay down the ban hammer on Rod Thorn and ban him for life from the NBA along with the 2.5 million dollar fine and I guess David Stern just kind of went with it. Rod Ford is suing the NBA claiming that he did nothing wrong even though a few days earlier he said on Cooper Anderson 180 that he made "a terrible, terrible mistake".

(god I hope no one by the name of Rod Ford reads that)

Anyways back to the Hawks, what will the Hawks do now without a GM and possibly without an owner while having such a bad roster? Well, rumors are swirling that Paula Deen wants to be GM while Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus want to be Co-Owners and buy the Hawks (can they do that so young?) It's just good to know that despite the mess the Atlanta Hawks have gone through, there are some truly high character individuals that want to turn the Atlanta Hawks around. But it's not just off the court that needs work but on the court as well. The good news is that Rob Ford may have picked up a few good players in Goran Dragic, Luther Head and Gordon Hayward all look like good players going forward for Atlanta averaging a combined 61.0 ppg with a team average of 98.6 (top ten in the league). Though there has been a ton of off court drama the players in Atlanta will keep getting better and try to ignore all of it as each player has high hopes of landing a long NBA career. We'll see if the Hawks can still function and become a contender one day.

Oh and PS Michael Jackson is also the head coach of the Atlanta Hawks, how does that work?

[somerandomguy]

ya, bet you didn't see that coming

misleading title probably ftl though, but in fairness, that one writer from the Oklahoman told me to go with that title

[malice]

Ummm... Rob or Rod Ford?

[somerandomguy]

rod ford= owner that did crack and cursed out his girlfriend

rob ford=GM that did crack and what most of this article is suppose to be devoted to

[somerandomguy]

poll added, didn't think it was needed because malice ultimately gives the grade.

[malice]

May 18, 2014 10:27:30 GMT somerandomguy said:

rod ford= owner that did crack and cursed out his girlfriend

rob ford=GM that did crack and what most of this article is suppose to be devoted to

Yeah... I got that bit - but you used both names in the *article*.  Ahh... you're discussing both?  It's... a tad unclear.

[itnas123]

+5 I clicked +4 by accident..... so yeah.

[malice]

May 18, 2014 10:33:43 GMT somerandomguy said:

poll added, didn't think it was needed because malice ultimately gives the grade.

Based - usually - on vote.  The majority of times, I go with what gets the first 5x vote.  The majority of times...

Hmmmm... this is quite a difficult one to assess. *Humour* is something that's very, very difficult to do well - as what's funny for someone isn't always funny for all.
For a start, it's only related to one team. It's also a bit erratic, stilted and spread-eagled.  For me... it wasn't funny.  I gave it +3.

[shorty]

In regards to Malice's comment about humor, I found it bit overly silly myself, but it's a well-written piece so a +4 from me. No +5 since it's a not a league-wide piece.

[itnas123]

May 19, 2014 2:50:12 GMT shorty said:

In regards to Malice's comment about humor, I found it bit overly silly myself, but it's a well-written piece so a +4 from me. No +5 since it's a not a league-wide piece.

I actually agree to this statement as well..... thought it was verge of a +4 and a +5. 

[somerandomguy]

aw, it's gotta be league wide for +5? Oh well

I will just say that humor is probably the strongest I can do with an article, I can't find myself writing a boring long article with stats everywhere unless I'm extremely interested in said subject (like that mock draft I did for 2004). So that's why I did it the way I did it and the sort of misdirection humor if you will in that article I figured would be hit or miss on people though. Got mostly misses it seems. But figured I might as well have that theme with it since I didn't know what else to do

I was trying to get the same sort of humor and reaction I got with the Jerome James fat ass article I did (and if HA was still up maybe I could have duplicated that reaction :/) and figured Rob Ford was a somewhat lovable character depending on who you asked, so went with that.

Maybe if I can get Gilbert Arenas on the last legs of his career or something I will have a better one.

[somerandomguy]

actually, this was suppose to be me bragging about how awesome my trades were, but I got carried away with the Rob Ford thing, he was only suppose to be a small part in it.

But anyways, if I get a +3 from malice and a +4 from everyone else, do I get a +3 or +4?

[itnas123]

May 19, 2014 3:08:42 GMT somerandomguy said:

aw, it's gotta be league wide for +5? Oh well

I will just say that humor is probably the strongest I can do with an article, I can't find myself writing a boring long article with stats everywhere unless I'm extremely interested in said subject (like that mock draft I did for 2004). So that's why I did it the way I did it and the sort of misdirection humor if you will in that article I figured would be hit or miss on people though. Got mostly misses it seems. But figured I might as well have that theme with it since I didn't know what else to do

I was trying to get the same sort of humor and reaction I got with the Jerome James fat ass article I did (and if HA was still up maybe I could have duplicated that reaction :/) and figured Rob Ford was a somewhat lovable character depending on who you asked, so went with that.

Maybe if I can get Gilbert Arenas on the last legs of his career or something I will have a better one.

to me a +4 is not a miss a +2 or a +1 is a miss. 

[itnas123]

May 19, 2014 3:13:01 GMT somerandomguy said:

actually, this was suppose to be me bragging about how awesome my trades were, but I got carried away with the Rob Ford thing, he was only suppose to be a small part in it.

But anyways, if I get a +3 from malice and a +4 from everyone else, do I get a +3 or +4?

good question..... and I do not have the answer. Maybe if it was more about trades and how that effected your team the league maybe this does get that +5 you craved for. 

[somerandomguy]

ya, but that's what everyone else does and I'm a very modest person if you haven't noticed, I don't like talking about myself that much

[shorty]

May 19, 2014 3:08:42 GMT somerandomguy said:

aw, it's gotta be league wide for +5? Oh well

I will just say that humor is probably the strongest I can do with an article, I can't find myself writing a boring long article with stats everywhere unless I'm extremely interested in said subject (like that mock draft I did for 2004). So that's why I did it the way I did it and the sort of misdirection humor if you will in that article I figured would be hit or miss on people though. Got mostly misses it seems. But figured I might as well have that theme with it since I didn't know what else to do

I was trying to get the same sort of humor and reaction I got with the Jerome James fat ass article I did (and if HA was still up maybe I could have duplicated that reaction :/) and figured Rob Ford was a somewhat lovable character depending on who you asked, so went with that.

Maybe if I can get Gilbert Arenas on the last legs of his career or something I will have a better one.

No rules about that. It's just a personal policy of mine :/.

Just speaking for myself here, but I've been busy the past few weeks with school, graduating, and all the extravaganza that comes with it, and that's on top of what we have to do with the CBA and draft, and then managing my team. Time's been a little short, and so for long and wordy articles, sometimes I can only afford a skim-through. I re-read through your article this time (slower), and I can tell your jokes and "twists" were well-thought out. BUT, I'd feel that in general, articles with stats and numbers are just easier to read, and would probably be better received due to our audience. I'm assuming all GMs who play Sim Leagues are used to (and comfortable with) staring at numbers and trying to make sense of them, so if you can do a humor piece involve some "interesting" stats about players then that'd probably be a bigger hit. 

[itnas123]

May 19, 2014 3:17:07 GMT somerandomguy said:

ya, but that's what everyone else does and I'm a very modest person if you haven't noticed, I don't like talking about myself that much

..... really now? 

[somerandomguy]

mmk, I knew I should have gone with how many pounds were in Rob Ford's office

[malice]

May 19, 2014 3:13:17 GMT itnas123 said:

May 19, 2014 3:08:42 GMT somerandomguy said:

aw, it's gotta be league wide for +5? Oh well

I will just say that humor is probably the strongest I can do with an article, I can't find myself writing a boring long article with stats everywhere unless I'm extremely interested in said subject (like that mock draft I did for 2004). So that's why I did it the way I did it and the sort of misdirection humor if you will in that article I figured would be hit or miss on people though. Got mostly misses it seems. But figured I might as well have that theme with it since I didn't know what else to do

I was trying to get the same sort of humor and reaction I got with the Jerome James fat ass article I did (and if HA was still up maybe I could have duplicated that reaction :/) and figured Rob Ford was a somewhat lovable character depending on who you asked, so went with that.

Maybe if I can get Gilbert Arenas on the last legs of his career or something I will have a better one.

to me a +4 is not a miss a +2 or a +1 is a miss. 

Not just to you, but factually so (and the way I'll grade pieces is in the guidelines).  A +3 is "average".  Above or below that should be treated as such - above or below average.  +3 *should* be the expectation of article writers - above that is gravy.

And same as what shorty said: a "1-team-only" piece can get higher votes... but it has to be incredibly good to do so.  Given the audience, it simply harder to impress the masses (and by that, I mean the 10-maybe-14 who will read it!).

[malice]

May 19, 2014 3:20:47 GMT itnas123 said:

May 19, 2014 3:17:07 GMT somerandomguy said:

ya, but that's what everyone else does and I'm a very modest person if you haven't noticed, I don't like talking about myself that much

..... really now? 

I *think* he was being facetious... at least: that's the way I took it.

[malice]

And to your question... +3 or +4?  I guess that's the big one here, huh?  But... whilst I feel it's a *plus 3*, I don't feel so strongly about that to overturn the vote.  somerandomguy - you may claim your +4.

[celticfan]

What do you think is Gordon Hayward's ceiling?

[malice]

May 29, 2014 17:27:00 GMT celticfan said:

What do you think is Gordon Hayward's ceiling?

This isn't the Hawks Q&A ... this was an article.

[somerandomguy]

a lock would have just done the job