Post by somerandomguy on Aug 6, 2015 9:15:38 GMT
Seattle WA------ Alot of focus is taken off players that leave the NBADSL after these players retire, they almost become forgotten like they never existed in the first place. Well we dug into these players personal lives and found alot of stuff you may or may not enjoy. We hope to bring back memories of some of these great players who have largely been forgotten across the league.
Fred Jones (age 66)
Career: Fred Jones is probably the greatest dunker in NBADSL history. He won 3 out of the 4 dunk contest from 2006-2009 and probably retired with 10 dunk contest participation under his belt (if he didn't it was close). Outside of the dunk contest he did very little except some nice in game dunks. But fans still loved the flare he had in dunk contest and will always remember the final that won him his third dunk contest in 2009 when he pulled a 720, between the legs dunk with his arm in the rim, it was a thing of beauty (unfortunately congress pushed for the internet ban of this dunk, just because).
What he's doing now?: at 66 years old he is still dunking....... On 7 foot baskets. But his two sons, Fly Jones and Sam Jones (not the HOF) are both great dunkers as well. Unfortunately neither had enough basketball skill to make it to the NBA. After his retirement, Fred Jones decided to spend a few years with the Harlem Globetrotters and instantly became a fan favorite. He had to stop after a bad leg injury that was not fake and he did not run out 5 minutes later looking like he was 19 again (yer I can't believe I got fooled by that at 14). After his stint he spent some time with ESPN commentating and judging a few dunk contest. Now that he's older he spends most of his time at home bragging to his grand kids about how many NBA championships he has.
Dwight Howard (58 years old)
Career: Dwight Howard was drafted by the Bulls in 04 and would help his Bulls team along with Amare Stoudemire and Loul Deng to a championship in 2008, he would also make multiple all star appearances, be on multiple all NBA defensive teams and Defensive Player of the Year in 2006. He would later post stints with the Dallas Mavs and Cleveland Cavaliers.
What he's doing now?: Dwight Howard is the proud parent of 53 kids, 30 grand kids and 7 great grand kids with another 10 kids, 7 grand kids and 2 great grand kids along the way. Dwight Howard recently starred in a reality show called "sleeping with Howard" which ended up just looking like a porno so the show had to be cancelled. Dwight Howard has to pay a monthly 100 million dollars a month in child support but isn't broke because Wilt Chamberlian pays for most of it with his NBA salary and endorsement money (reason he played till he was 43) despite the struggles, Dwight Howard continues to find girls to knock up in his dream to knock up every girl in america and we admire Dwight for such a noble cause.
Josh Smith (age 58)
Career: Smith had some success but didn't have a very memorable career, he did win the sixth man of the year award in 2013 and was apart of the Bulls championship team in 2008. Statistically though he didn a little bit of everything, but nothing great outside of shot blocking. You may actually be surprised to find out that Smith did average 46% from three in 2013 on 108 attempts. Another bloop success I guess
What he's doing now?: Smith decided it was a good idea to invest most of his money in finding the fountain of youth, he hasn't been very successful. The rest of his money was spent on a charity that wants to help stop fish from getting tangled up in soda rings on mars. Leave Smith's stupid ass to get the planets confused. Long story short he's broke and working at a McDonalds that serves whoppers and Kentucky fried chicken paying 725 dollars an hour......... He also goes on to marry several Kardasians (long before aliens did us all a favor and took them to mars where fishes get tangled up in soda rings).
J.R. Smith (58 years old)
Career: J.R Smith had a pretty invisible career, he does own a championship ring from the Heat's 2010 championship run, but not much to say other then he was a good chucker
What he does now?:his brother Chris Smith was the GM of the Warriors but was later fired for trading Andrew Wiggins for shit pieces. as for J.R. he is now an Adviser to the Charlotte Hornets
Greg Oden (56 years old)
Career: Oden had a very underrated career, he was a walking double-double while averaging around 2 blocks a game. He would win a ring in 2011 after his 5th year in the league and won multiple defensive team awards and made multiple all star appearances. Greg's best year was a 20.6 point per game 12.6 rebounds and 2.5 blocks a game in 2016.
What he does now?: Towards the end of his career, he became the main spokes person for AARP despite being nowhere close to 55. Today he is still the main spokesperson for AARP as well as mens depend underwear and unfortunately, still posting dick pics to the internet. No one is clicking on that shit.
Derrick Rose (55 years old)
Career: Rose did have a spectacular career, winning 4 MVPs and 2 championships while averaging close to 30 points a game and 9 assist in his prime. There's no doubt Rose is one of the best point guards in league history. However many delusional Wolves fans (well, just one that's really loud) continue to argue that Rose is the undisputed GOAT when Kobe Bryant and Tyonne Malone just to name a few had much better careers.
What he's doing now?: After his career ended, Rose moved to Memphis and decided to take a job at a used car sales lot called "Rob Morais Bugatti's" which sold alot of used Honda Accord's for a cheap price. After finding out that he couldn't sell these Honda Accord for half a million dollars per sale, Rose decided to become a GM in the NBADSL. After trading Kareem Adual-Jabbar for Paul Pressey and ultimately leaving because of it. Rose would set his sites for presidency under the campaign slogan "Point god", he would lose in the 2040 election to Nicolas Tarlac who's campaign slogan was "Simply deal with it". Now he works for ESPN with his famous multiple sources line that he stole from another long time ESPN favorite. He now makes an annual 1 billion dollars.
Anthony Davis (age 50)
Career: Anthony Davis came into the league 1 year after the Miami Heat won their championshipthe next year, the Heat would draft Anthony Davis. Davis would go on to have a spectacular career which included a 33/12/2 year in 2019 for the Thunder (surprised as shit he didn't win MVP that year). 2 years later, the Grizzlies would win him his one and only championship. He would end his career after 22 years and awhole lot of money made.
What he's doing now?: Since Anthony Davis made money on his unibrow ever since he first joined the Heat, he has quickly become the richest NBADSL player in NBADSL history with a net worth of 1.5 billion dollars. His unibrows to this day at the best non-jersey item sold on NBA.com and his unibrow hair has now started to stick out instead of it looking a little smooth making his appeal even stronger. Today he's looking to purchase an NBA team, although NBADSL teams are now selling on average for about 5 billion dollars with teams going as high as 10 billion.
V.J. King (46 Years old)
Career: King was the 13th pick in 2017 for Chicago and would go on to have a great career, was a consistent 20 point scorer, a very nice defender and ended up being a rookie of the year despite almost dropping out of the loto. He would help the Bulls win two championships and look like he was going to have a HOF career. Then he got traded to the Hawks and it all went shit from there. King claimed he tanked for the Hawks because of their racist owner, but last year the league discovered through text messages they received from an anonymous source. King was taking roids during that Bulls run, it was after he met with the racist owner that he stopped taking them. The NBA has now put an asterisk's next to the Bulls championships that year and have asked Bulls players that won a ring that year to return them.
What he's doing now?: Despite the roid scandal, King has been an active participant in the Atlanta Hawks shutting down their franchise due to racism that is "unacceptable in the world of sports". He was even more appalled this season after Atlanta won their first ever championship since the 60's. The Hawks championship parade had to be cut short after V.J. King came runningat Dragan Bender screaming "fuck these racist assholes, they're all burning in hell" with a knife in hand. King is now being charged with attempted murder.
Nicolas Tarlac (age 44)
Career: Tarlac had some great years in the league, after being D-leagued the year before, his sophomore year in the league saw him average 21 points and nearly 6 assist a game on nice percentages. Tarlac would continue to be a 20 point scorer until the 76ers unfortunately hit the expansion draft. His career died after that because absolutely no one new how to use him like SRG did.
What he's doing now?: After his career ended, Tarlac put his name into the 2036 presidential election against Donald Trump (yes, he is still fucking running for president) Nicolas Tarlac won in a landside because fuck Donald Trump. Tarlac would go on to conquer Canada and Mexico creating 68 new states in the United States. Tarlac ends american poverty by spreading his wealth to all of the poor. He bans the Kardasian family from earth transporting them to mars. And gas prices are back to being a nickel. He would defeat Derrick Rose in another landside, and is seeking reelection in 2044 and everyone is cool with him running a third term. The great Tarlac lives on.
Fred Jones (age 66)
Career: Fred Jones is probably the greatest dunker in NBADSL history. He won 3 out of the 4 dunk contest from 2006-2009 and probably retired with 10 dunk contest participation under his belt (if he didn't it was close). Outside of the dunk contest he did very little except some nice in game dunks. But fans still loved the flare he had in dunk contest and will always remember the final that won him his third dunk contest in 2009 when he pulled a 720, between the legs dunk with his arm in the rim, it was a thing of beauty (unfortunately congress pushed for the internet ban of this dunk, just because).
What he's doing now?: at 66 years old he is still dunking....... On 7 foot baskets. But his two sons, Fly Jones and Sam Jones (not the HOF) are both great dunkers as well. Unfortunately neither had enough basketball skill to make it to the NBA. After his retirement, Fred Jones decided to spend a few years with the Harlem Globetrotters and instantly became a fan favorite. He had to stop after a bad leg injury that was not fake and he did not run out 5 minutes later looking like he was 19 again (yer I can't believe I got fooled by that at 14). After his stint he spent some time with ESPN commentating and judging a few dunk contest. Now that he's older he spends most of his time at home bragging to his grand kids about how many NBA championships he has.
Dwight Howard (58 years old)
Career: Dwight Howard was drafted by the Bulls in 04 and would help his Bulls team along with Amare Stoudemire and Loul Deng to a championship in 2008, he would also make multiple all star appearances, be on multiple all NBA defensive teams and Defensive Player of the Year in 2006. He would later post stints with the Dallas Mavs and Cleveland Cavaliers.
What he's doing now?: Dwight Howard is the proud parent of 53 kids, 30 grand kids and 7 great grand kids with another 10 kids, 7 grand kids and 2 great grand kids along the way. Dwight Howard recently starred in a reality show called "sleeping with Howard" which ended up just looking like a porno so the show had to be cancelled. Dwight Howard has to pay a monthly 100 million dollars a month in child support but isn't broke because Wilt Chamberlian pays for most of it with his NBA salary and endorsement money (reason he played till he was 43) despite the struggles, Dwight Howard continues to find girls to knock up in his dream to knock up every girl in america and we admire Dwight for such a noble cause.
Josh Smith (age 58)
Career: Smith had some success but didn't have a very memorable career, he did win the sixth man of the year award in 2013 and was apart of the Bulls championship team in 2008. Statistically though he didn a little bit of everything, but nothing great outside of shot blocking. You may actually be surprised to find out that Smith did average 46% from three in 2013 on 108 attempts. Another bloop success I guess
What he's doing now?: Smith decided it was a good idea to invest most of his money in finding the fountain of youth, he hasn't been very successful. The rest of his money was spent on a charity that wants to help stop fish from getting tangled up in soda rings on mars. Leave Smith's stupid ass to get the planets confused. Long story short he's broke and working at a McDonalds that serves whoppers and Kentucky fried chicken paying 725 dollars an hour......... He also goes on to marry several Kardasians (long before aliens did us all a favor and took them to mars where fishes get tangled up in soda rings).
J.R. Smith (58 years old)
Career: J.R Smith had a pretty invisible career, he does own a championship ring from the Heat's 2010 championship run, but not much to say other then he was a good chucker
What he does now?:his brother Chris Smith was the GM of the Warriors but was later fired for trading Andrew Wiggins for shit pieces. as for J.R. he is now an Adviser to the Charlotte Hornets
Greg Oden (56 years old)
Career: Oden had a very underrated career, he was a walking double-double while averaging around 2 blocks a game. He would win a ring in 2011 after his 5th year in the league and won multiple defensive team awards and made multiple all star appearances. Greg's best year was a 20.6 point per game 12.6 rebounds and 2.5 blocks a game in 2016.
What he does now?: Towards the end of his career, he became the main spokes person for AARP despite being nowhere close to 55. Today he is still the main spokesperson for AARP as well as mens depend underwear and unfortunately, still posting dick pics to the internet. No one is clicking on that shit.
Derrick Rose (55 years old)
Career: Rose did have a spectacular career, winning 4 MVPs and 2 championships while averaging close to 30 points a game and 9 assist in his prime. There's no doubt Rose is one of the best point guards in league history. However many delusional Wolves fans (well, just one that's really loud) continue to argue that Rose is the undisputed GOAT when Kobe Bryant and Tyonne Malone just to name a few had much better careers.
What he's doing now?: After his career ended, Rose moved to Memphis and decided to take a job at a used car sales lot called "Rob Morais Bugatti's" which sold alot of used Honda Accord's for a cheap price. After finding out that he couldn't sell these Honda Accord for half a million dollars per sale, Rose decided to become a GM in the NBADSL. After trading Kareem Adual-Jabbar for Paul Pressey and ultimately leaving because of it. Rose would set his sites for presidency under the campaign slogan "Point god", he would lose in the 2040 election to Nicolas Tarlac who's campaign slogan was "Simply deal with it". Now he works for ESPN with his famous multiple sources line that he stole from another long time ESPN favorite. He now makes an annual 1 billion dollars.
Anthony Davis (age 50)
Career: Anthony Davis came into the league 1 year after the Miami Heat won their championshipthe next year, the Heat would draft Anthony Davis. Davis would go on to have a spectacular career which included a 33/12/2 year in 2019 for the Thunder (surprised as shit he didn't win MVP that year). 2 years later, the Grizzlies would win him his one and only championship. He would end his career after 22 years and awhole lot of money made.
What he's doing now?: Since Anthony Davis made money on his unibrow ever since he first joined the Heat, he has quickly become the richest NBADSL player in NBADSL history with a net worth of 1.5 billion dollars. His unibrows to this day at the best non-jersey item sold on NBA.com and his unibrow hair has now started to stick out instead of it looking a little smooth making his appeal even stronger. Today he's looking to purchase an NBA team, although NBADSL teams are now selling on average for about 5 billion dollars with teams going as high as 10 billion.
V.J. King (46 Years old)
Career: King was the 13th pick in 2017 for Chicago and would go on to have a great career, was a consistent 20 point scorer, a very nice defender and ended up being a rookie of the year despite almost dropping out of the loto. He would help the Bulls win two championships and look like he was going to have a HOF career. Then he got traded to the Hawks and it all went shit from there. King claimed he tanked for the Hawks because of their racist owner, but last year the league discovered through text messages they received from an anonymous source. King was taking roids during that Bulls run, it was after he met with the racist owner that he stopped taking them. The NBA has now put an asterisk's next to the Bulls championships that year and have asked Bulls players that won a ring that year to return them.
What he's doing now?: Despite the roid scandal, King has been an active participant in the Atlanta Hawks shutting down their franchise due to racism that is "unacceptable in the world of sports". He was even more appalled this season after Atlanta won their first ever championship since the 60's. The Hawks championship parade had to be cut short after V.J. King came runningat Dragan Bender screaming "fuck these racist assholes, they're all burning in hell" with a knife in hand. King is now being charged with attempted murder.
Nicolas Tarlac (age 44)
Career: Tarlac had some great years in the league, after being D-leagued the year before, his sophomore year in the league saw him average 21 points and nearly 6 assist a game on nice percentages. Tarlac would continue to be a 20 point scorer until the 76ers unfortunately hit the expansion draft. His career died after that because absolutely no one new how to use him like SRG did.
What he's doing now?: After his career ended, Tarlac put his name into the 2036 presidential election against Donald Trump (yes, he is still fucking running for president) Nicolas Tarlac won in a landside because fuck Donald Trump. Tarlac would go on to conquer Canada and Mexico creating 68 new states in the United States. Tarlac ends american poverty by spreading his wealth to all of the poor. He bans the Kardasian family from earth transporting them to mars. And gas prices are back to being a nickel. He would defeat Derrick Rose in another landside, and is seeking reelection in 2044 and everyone is cool with him running a third term. The great Tarlac lives on.
